apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
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So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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