I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
