3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
