I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize