So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
