it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
