there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
