Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
