i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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