oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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