I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
