I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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