I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
