I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
