I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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