We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
God, I missed his penis.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
