I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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