is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
