i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
