I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
