I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
