I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
2020 sucks, I want a refund
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
