I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize