You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
