Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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