You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
