she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
