I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You can't motorboat a personality
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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