I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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