Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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