Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
