just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
