Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
