You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
