I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
