i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
