I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
