Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
