I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
