is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
