OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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