My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
