I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
