i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
