My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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