I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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