I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
