WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
