guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
