Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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