with your own penis?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
