Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
