Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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