im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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