he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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