Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
