So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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