Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
