They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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