I met the friendliest cop last night
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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