I heard we made out
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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