so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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